Porno Mag
by spandexmonkey
Summary: (one-shot) There should be a genre 'random'. Hehehhh...


** irritating authors babble>**

Lemme just state: (No, i'm not going to announce I don't own anything, because actually, I do. Pshaw.) (Not really, incase you're dumb) This was written because I haven't written anything in a very very long time (no joke) and heard a song I wrote a fic to once and thought "oh my god". Afterthis shocking revalation, I went in search of musling, and found a pervy song by Mindless Self Indulgence and an irritating kid who instructed that I "write something pervy" in thirty minutes about the Teen Titans.

sigh So if this is ultra crap, blame someone else because I can't be bothered to take responsibility for my tardy ass. If you spot any majorly glaring errors, please review about them and i'll re-upload! Feedback is always appreciated :)

** /irritating authors babble>**

_Porno Mag_

Beast Boy lounged across the sofa, magazine in hand.

"I'm hungry," he announced.

"Get it yourself," came a drone from the kitchen area.

"But you're there already!" He whined.

There was no reply. The green dude grumbled and shifted. He flipped to the centrefold to improve his mood, and was not disappointed.

"What are you reading?"Enquired Raven, from behind the sofa, evidently eyeing the trashy coloured multi fold in his hands.

Beast Boy flipped the page. "A porno magazine," he said. The front of the magazine actually read N3W GAM3Z. A plate dropped itself onto his stomach, and Raven strolled wordlessly around the sofa to the tangent furnishing.

"You got me cookies!" Beaming at his teammate, Beast Boy inspected the contents of the plate further. "Thanks Raven!"

"Porno magazine?" She enquired, putting her feet up on the coffee table.

"Yeah," he said, cookie in mouth. "Like… game porn, you know."

They sat in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Beast Boy flipped another page.

"Gnegh!" he spluttered, jerking up and nearly dropping his cookie plate. Several biscuits slid off and fell on the floor, and he stuffed another two in his mouth looking alarmed.

Raven eyed him in what he had privately labelled the What The Hell Are You Doing you Cretin beast boy I am Supreme and also Rabidly Curious demeanour.

He quickly shut the magazine and darted his eyes at Raven, hastily away, back again through suicidal curiosity, and then re opened the magazine in a random place, covered his face and rearranged the plate on his stomach in an attempt to convince her it had never happened and she was Going Mad.

Raven set her tea down and extended her arm. The magazine snatched up out of Beast Boy's grasp and zoomed into hers.

"Hey!" He said, scowling.

Raven began flipping the pages.

"_Hey_," he protested, and morphed into a large possum-like cat. He pounced onto her lap and proceeded to lounge all over the magazine. Raven zapped him.

Beast Boy yowled and changed into a monkey to cover her eyes while his tail took the magazine back.

Successful, he bounded back to the sofa where monkey version hastily stuffed the paper down the cushion gap and presently covered it with a cushion. He morphed back into the possum-cat, and sat on it.

"Um," said Raven, "now I really want to see it."

"Nope," said Beast Boy, now his normal self again. He looked left and right, and spied the remote, which he proceeded to pick up and smush to death in a pair of gorilla hands. "Isn't there something really important for you to be watching on TV right now?" He asked. "Quick! Get a new remote!"

"Nope," mimicked Raven. "Gimme."

"_Gimme_?" repeated Beast Boy mock incredulously. "City life has done you no good! Go find a diction—oof."

Cut off by a cushion in the face, he fell off the sofa as Raven appeared to pounce and take his place on the cushion.

"Ha!" She proclaimed, though with a considerable lack of gusto. She began to thumb rapidly through the magazine looking for something… _conspicuous_.

A mewing kitten crawled up her leg and she batted at it irritably. It dodged and wriggled its way onto her lap. She held the magazine out of its reach. Beast Boy morphed back into a human and scowled at her. She scowled back.

"Get off," she said.

"No."

"…"

"I'm blocking your view," he announced, trying to make himself as large as humanly possible in order to do so.

Raven raised an eyebrow dangerously.

"Okay," he said, "but it's not like I didn't try and keep it from you!"

He snatched the magazine and found it held by a black aura, let it go, and flopped backwards across the couch so that only his feet were sprawled across her legs. Raven telekinetically pulled the coffee table closer so that she could put her feet up again. Draping a hand across his eyes, Beast Boy sighed.

Turning to the double spread in the centre, Raven blinked and started flicking slowly from there. About four pages onward, various barely discernible facial expressions later, she stopped and held the magazine out, twisting it at various angles.

Peeking through his fingers Beast Boy tried to see the page.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I don't get it," said Raven.

He sat up, slightly confused. Nope, she had the right page.

"What's there not to get," he said in a slightly dazed voice. "Not," he added, quickly, "that it's, umm…"

He trailed off blushing a little as Raven eyed the page.

"Dude," he said after a minute, staring at her "are you not even the least bit embarrassed?"

"Erm," said Raven, "no. Apart from anything, that's not even me."

"…" said Beast Boy.

"But I still don't get it," she said.

"…oh," said Beast Boy. He blinked. "Why not?"

"Well, shouldn't it really be Starfire?"

That threw him slightly. "What makes you say that?"

"She's _chirpy_."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Umm, aren't they usually chirpy?"

"Not like that…" Beast Boy swallowed. Raven half-rolled her eyes.

"I don't see why you were so worried about me seeing it."

Beast Boy spluttered and then caught her smirk and narrowed his eyes. "Bitch_y_," he said.

"I'm bitch_ing_," said Raven, reading the text, "_Actually_."

"Whatever," said the changeling. "I'm hungry."

"Get it yourself," said the sorceress, getting up and throwing his feet (and the magazine) off.

"But you're in the kitchen already," Beast Boy pretended to complain, mocking their earlier discussion.

The green dude stood, disgruntled. "I guess I'll have to get it my_self_ then," he said to his teammate.

"Hey guys," came a voice from the doorway.

"Hey Robin," said Beast Boy.

"Hey," said Raven.

The two titans left for the kitchen and bedrooms respectively.

"Hm," said Robin to the empty room. Something colourful caught his eye. He strode around the sofa and picked up what appeared to be a gloss magazine, open on a rather striking picture of…

"Holy Cow," said Robin, eyeing the model posing as Raven to advertise the new Teen Titans for the Game Cube. She was smirking raunchily at the camera and baring rather a lot of leg (but then, Raven did). She was also, most inaccurately, toting a large machine gun.

He eyed the image for a little longer, and then read the game text.

"Not bad," he commented aloud, nodding appreciatively at the general accuracy and attention to detail the new game sported. The only issue was that they had a "NEW weapons room!" as a bonus level.

After carefully closing the magazine (and discovering it as the latest issue of N3W GAM3Z), he left it on the coffee table. He then picked a couple of cushions off the floor and realised that they needed a new TV remote.

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End file.
